Bubble bursting.........rather exploding!!!

Prologue:
It's the third week of November and I have been here in the United States for about two and a half months now.And I have seen life from a "never seen before" perspective....It's a very strange place,with strange people.....I have never felt this humiliated,ignored,despised,ridiculed,octracised before........ I find myself a complete misfit here.....anger,dissapointment and frustration is what i am breeding rite now and I need a place to vent them out....and hence the blog.Every minute is a struggle......a constant fight.....a lonesome fight....and every step I try to take forward.....i feel i am sleepwalking back again.It's tremendously silent in here......no one to talk to.....no shoulder to rest upon.....no place to hide away.And I keep telling myself...."fite..fite....all dis will come to an end someday".....But i feel so exhausted.No one said it's gonna b easy.....but neider did anyone say it's gonna be dis tough.

Episode 1:domestic repurcussions

I have had previous experiences of staying away from home and I am seasoned to a lot of stuffs.Hence I thought I will make it.Well.... stuffs are one thing....and "people" are another....specially wen u have to stay with them.
Complaints at the drop of a hat...is something I am slowly,but surely getting used to.(da oder morning I was sleeping and dis apartmate mate f mine was playing loud music....i asked him to tone it down a lil.....and he said....."u hav weird sleep cycles.....deal wid it"....and kept on playing.....and i ,flammoxed by d situation headed off my apt).For the past two months....I am being greeted and treated wid some rich south indian delicacies.....da sambars and da rasams(read rat poisons) and to my amazement I am still alive(now i understand y dey say...."fortune favours da brave")Well....if u think dis is sad......wait a lil longer.We have our cooking turns ...one person a day...Tuesday being mine.And every Wednesday morning, I find the foods,i hav cooked, ending up into the trash bin.I mean,I know i am a pretty amateur cook......but if i can eat da worst fundamentally eatables on earth twice a day....for two months....Y cant dey??...for once a week??..Specially wen dese guys r seniors to me....have been here for more dan a year now....and keep lecturing me on adjustments.....y can't dey adjust once a week???....Well dere r certain questions which r rhetoric...and da lesser u dig deep...da better off u r.Now,if u want to shut urself up from dis crazy shit by locking ur room(as i often did in my undergrad days)a completely different situation arises......Da situation's called..."my roomie".....I completely adore dis guy.....he is a bucket of knowledge......sorry a reservoir of knowledge......No Wait!!....he is a Knowledge Bank!!!From safetypin to submarine,quantum mechanics to investment banking,pornography to photolithography...he is da Jack and da master of it all.....Every second word dat comes out of his mouth is a lie......n he is a goddamn fake....but den he is judgemental too.....He is more concerned about my sleeping habits dan his Masters (second masters ...as he wud say)....and dere's something else too.....which I can't even write here(Holy fuck!!!).....

Episode 2:Departmental dilemma

If you walk around da coridoor of my department on any given day.....da only thing u will hear is.......Who's got wat grade???How come can he get A- wen I got a B???For me it's like reliving da past.....dese greedy creatures remind me of those parents back at school who
would beat the shit out f his/her child......if dey got even half a mark less dan their gossip neighbours(the world is indeed round!!)And here i am......amidst these ultraserious erudite nerds.And thanks to the constant intelluctual disintegration i have succumbed to, in da last four years of my undergrads.......I find myself as perhaps da least knowledged guy in d class......And then there are profs......with degrees more dan my fingers.I have found one amazing quality in some of them......dey will take the simplest of the simple things......modify and remodify dem....stuff some high sounding bullshit technical terms widout changing da basic contents......and will present to you as da most "as a matter f fact" thing under d sun.Mayb ,dis is true about United States,in general.


Well..so on and so forth my agony continues.Every morning wen i return to my apt from the Lab i feel like smashing myself against the every second truck that comes my way...(alas!!...i luv myself too much!!)With an empty pocket and soul......i desperately want to go back now,but deep down i know.....I can't.I desperately need some peace f mind.....all hell's breaking loose....and i am standing in d middle of it......waiting to b buried dead or alive.....Will everything end up being a lie??Will everything go invain???Or was it all a Bubble I was living in........which has suddenly exploded?????these r all da questions........i don't have answers to........


P.S:Life never stops amazing me......

Vulte Pari....

vulte paari raag avimaan...

vulte paari vangon er gaan...

vulte paari surjo seshe

por khawa sei godhulir snan....

vulte paari ek prithibir

pordanoshin mukhguloke

vulte pari ekshorokom

sritir kotha...ek poloke

sudhu vulbo na sei rater bela...

bishad pushe aagun jala...

ghumer oshud golay dhore...

sopno punte ghumie pora....

vulbo na sei ekla chola

haat barieo...bondhuhara

vulbo na sei sopnotake

jaapte dhore baachte paara..

SOMOY...ekhn r tokhon...

ekta somoy chilo
jokhon ami,ami chilam...
r tui,tui....
jokhon amra dujon chilam....
ekta somoy chilo
jokhon aamra raamdhonu chilam...
rong choriye...pekhom mele
jaapte thaktam eke oporke..
tor kothar stoboke stoboke....
anek aador chilo...
r ami prithibi vebe tokei...
chunte chaitam...
ekta somoy chilo
jokhon amar sob chinta sopne...
tui daapot dekhie chinie nitis
shinghovaag....
r amio khub sohojei haarie jetam
tor buker oi jolo podwo dutite...
ekta somoy chilo
besh chilo....



ekhn somoy palteche
tui paltechis...ami paltechi
ekhn tui durer sopno
r ami nivinto baati...
sopneo r toke nie sopno dekha hyna...
r tuio vule gechish...smritir ovabe
ekhn somoy palteche
aalokborsho hote aalokborsho duure
tui dariechs ujjolotaay
r ami ....oi achi ekrokom
smriti bismritir ei dolachole...
dhongsho romonthon korte gele
ekta uponyaash hye jaabe...
tobu jodi pichon fire dekhte chash..
dekhbi...anek kosto ache...
ekhn somoy palteche
office er 10 ta 5ta pranpone kere niche somoy
ekhn sohokormi rai sohomormi...
ekhn vulte chawar chesta ache...notunke nie
vobishyot ache...boro hwar jala ache
raag ache..hotasha ache...ache panjorer
vaanje vaanje avimaan...


jaani somoy palteche
tobuo raat baarlei ekhno vaabi
tor kotha...
jaani somoy palteche
tobu ekhno khuje dekh...
ami ami achi...tui tui achs...
r ache baalish...jorie dhore
sue pori...r vaabi tui pashei achs..
jol ashe...khub jol aashe